Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tempestuous Mistress

So this is a very brief post because instead of spending the day out in Gilbraltar, which I have admittedly been to before, I spent the day in bed catching up on a pretty serious sleep deficit. But at 1:45 pm I made myself rise and head out the door to enjoy lunch and sunshine for but a brief hour before heading back to work. And boy am I glad I did. I step off the boat, out of the terminal and immediately am witness to the following exchange. A very nervous tourist fresh from one of the other ships walks timidly up to a stranger returning to the port and asks meekly, "excuse me, do you speak English?" Um,we're in Gilbraltar. Thank you universe, sometimes it is worth getting out of bed.

Enjoying some delightful lamb tapas and contemplating the Mission for Seafarers I passed upon approach. "Open to all with special services for Seafarers." I had never thought about it before but I am, for all intents and purposes, a Seafarer, at least for the time being. No, I'm no fisherman and I'm not running freight, I'm not risking my life for the love of that tempetuous mistress the sea. Instead I'm playing with plastic fish and running trivia on a big floating city center but I think I still apply. And I grew up around the sea-creeks, streams, lakes, bays and oceans which actually seems a bit unique among the shipboard crew. Anyway, I just got me to thinking how much my life has changed and yet come a little full circle. Currently the husband and I are exchanging emails with a far kinder and more loving tone than my first contract because I just couldn't take it anymore that everything sucks. So since my life is in a holding pattern anyway, no need to edge ever closer to the precipice of meanness. Instead, we speak in tones which indidcate an attempt at reconcilation which I know we shall not actually make but it is better than the alternative. Living off the grid again but at least we are being honest about it. I just want to be kind as long as it doesn't create a false sense of reality which will just cause more pain in the end. But maybe that's life. A series of exchanges which stave off pain until the threat is past. I hate to say it, but that's really what I need right now; to stave off pain.

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