Subject to Interpretation

So here it is, my 100^th entry. Oh, I know in the end it may not end up being so, we shift things around and such but for now, this marks three years and one hundred (published) entries.  And it seems appro po that this should be my topic.

Coin-cidence.  It's something my father talks about all the time.  Not coincidence, which is events unrelated which happen together but seem to have some connection.  His interpretation, coin-cidence (pronounced ko in ‘SI den(t)s) is two things which happen together with the intention of some higher power or force beyond reckoning.  Things that were meant to happen, people we were meant to meet, whether it was from some unseen outside force, guiding us toward each other or the overwhelming power of our own subconscious minds.

It is something in which I strongly believe, as someone who has spent the better part of her life making plans which I had no idea how I was going to bring to fruition but believing that somehow I would find the means or it would find it’s way to me.   It was on my mind quite a lot yesterday, having spent the afternoon with two women who were gifted to me in a time when I really needed them.  We were colleagues and friends who became partners and sisters.  And something happened.  We all had our own challenges and it was like we were each there, in each other’s lives for a purpose which would not reveal itself until later.  But that sort of thing isn’t coincidence, it is coin-cidence.  I would attribute it to our astounding Artistic Director but unless she had precognitive powers, she could not have foreseen the events which were to unfold.  I don’t even know if they would have had this perfect partnership not happened.  Coin-cidence.  

Coin-cidence is when my father, who, steadily finding his new role in the world absent my mother and absent the job which he held for 35 years decides to join a group on public speaking is asked to make a speech on ethics to a company who’s questionable and criminal practices have directly impacted him.  Some would even call that justice, perhaps others divine intervention, but I call it coin-cidence.

Coin-cidence is a powerful and palpable force.  But I do think it is something you have to believe in, to want, because it isn’t the same as destiny because destiny is unalterable.  And in some ways, destiny is kind of lazy like waiting for something to happen but taking no active role in it.  And it is an easy excuse for inaction; “Destined to fail, destined to falter, destined not for greatness but for mediocrity.”  It makes the assumption that our actions, our thoughts, hopes, dreams and the relationships we cultivate have no impact on our future.  Coin-cidence though is the coming together of people, events, etc in a way to make things easier or more possible but it still requires an active role.  Rather than praying for something to happen, praying for the tools to make it happen.  Understand, I don’t generally pray.  I do talk to the Universe, the angels, even my relatives who have passed; particularly my Great Aunt who is in charge of all last minute parking emergencies.  No, I don’t hear voices, but I do get answers.  Some would say it is coincidence but to say that is to dismiss any effort on my part.

It’s funny, though I rarely pray because of my own issues not with a higher power but with organized religion and ritual in general, I still would never dismiss it because praying can be a very active exercise and as I sat down to write, feeling this swell of joy and happiness in my heart, I received a message from a friend of mine, someone who reached out to me, literally from the Abyss, at a difficult time in my life.  The message was personal, detailing her struggle and asking for prayers, for healing thoughts and for strength.  I had it in spades.  Coin-cidence. 

There are times when we have to reach into our empathic reserves, like an adrenaline rush which allows a mother to lift a car from her injured child, into a well of love that so often we feel sure is dried up and cracked with age and abuse.  But here is the wonderful thing about love.  When you dip into the well, often and deeply and with the best of intentions, regardless of the outcome that well replenishes itself.  It is an endless resource which strangely enough becomes more plentiful the more it is shared.

As I look back over the events of the last three years and take stock of how much has happened and even, giving myself some credit, how much I have made happen, I can’t help but be a little overwhelmed and grateful to be able to add a little more to the well.  But I know this quest of self-discovery, though an independent journey was hardly done alone.  All along the way I have met people who have guided me, supported me, even challenged me to clear this beautiful path I am on of all the obstacles which I had put there.   Of course the road is not always easy, it is not always clear, but for the first time in many years I can say with certainty, it is mine.  Coin-cidence, you were just waiting for me to call on you.

Now if this was a movie, this would be the end.  There would be a swell of music, a long slow fade of some young woman’s fit and lovely backside clad in a white dress, as the titles rolled by.  I’d like to think I’d be played by someone younger and ethereal, far more attractive than the reality and massively talented; not just another Hollywood name to sell the tickets.

But this isn’t a movie, this is real life which means it has no end.  Well it has a rather definitive end but hopefully not now.  Instead, I simply close one chapter and begin another.   It doesn’t mean we forgot, it just means we move on, hopefully forward, but at least not backward.  Maybe sideways.  But we keep moving.  Yesterday as I was wrapping up with one of my friends, we were comparing notes on how our lives have changed since that initial meeting.  We’ve stopped sweating the small stuff because cliché or not, life is too d*mned short.  But as we were talking it occurred to me that an awful lot of people sleepwalk through their lives, fearing the path before them, regretting the path behind.  Every minute of that is precious.  Even in the hardest moments, there is beautiful and love and grace.  If I have learned nothing else, that message has been ingrained in me time and time again.  That and there are no coincidences, only coin-cidence.