Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Signs

Recently, I was asked to compile a list of ten signs that you are on your way to SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL status.  Ok, first let’s get a few things out of the way.  I have become rather an expert on this field, this way of the SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL, not by design or desire but through years of practice.  It isn’t something that happens overnight and there is no easy path so if you’ve been following my exploits thinking, “Wow, that is so who I want to be,” then I have to warn you, you have some work ahead and you better be ready to commit.  This is no fly-by-night program, there is no magic pill or prescription rub to being alone in a relationship, but there are some indicators to let you know that you are on the right track!  So here follows, the top ten signs that you, yes you, are a SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL. 

Just a few rules and regs before we get started.  First of all, you do not need to be married to qualify nor do you need to be a girl.  There are a lot of us out there thinking we are alone with nowhere to turn but consider me your official SMG-GPS.  So here’s a quick and easy list to see if you rank as a SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL.    

  1. When at your place of employ, do the other people in the office just shake their heads and look at you doubtfully as you confirm, “No really, he’d love to be here but he works so far away.”  Sweetie, you’ve worked there for five years, they think you are dating your hand.  
  2. Do you own more than two cats or more than two outfits for your pet (s)?
  3. Have you ever been hit on by a Carnie?  Did you kind of enjoy it?
  4. Do you ever sometimes think, “Just finish already so I can get back to Facebook?”  Are you nodding your head in understanding?
  5. Do you ever reach out for a hand that simply doesn’t reach back?
  6. Have you ever worn kitten heels with skinny jeans just to see if you still could?  Men, this applies to you too! (Bonus points if this was a funeral, wedding or class reunion.)
  7. Do you ever wish your spouse was just your room mate because you really do have fun vacations and love eating ice cream while watching old movies on the couch, and he’s such a good caregiver and really does do a lot of things like the laundry and the groceries and cleaning and he’s so good with the pets and…why do you suddenly feel like you are making excuses? 
  8. Do you ever wish maybe your parents had put their foot down a little more?
  9. Do you ever feel like you’re working just a little too hard to hide your awesome? 
  10. Do you feel that pang of recognition in the pit of your stomach when you hear the phrase, “This is just how it is.  Accept it”?  Is the voice saying it yours?
If you answered yes to any of these, congratulations, you’re human and normal and not alone.  And you just might be well on your way to being a SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL.  So what now?  What’s the next step?  Well, buy my book, naturally, but until I write it, why don’t you start like I did?  Take yourself on a date and see what happens.  Plan it, pay for it, dress up for it.  Spend an evening with yourself and rediscover the amazing person that you are.   You just might be surprised what an incredible long-lost friend you’ve forgotten about. Oh, and take yourself somewhere nice; you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

1 comment:

  1. great blog a fresh voice in the ether! now I can think twice about worrying about being alone.

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