Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The End of the Beginning

So, here it is, the completion of a cycle. I am divorced, I've changed my name, found love, lost love, found myself and...well, I'm kind of pretty d*mned happy. So what happens now? Oh, to fill you in, my prolonged absence was the result of a long term project that has been occupying my blogger brain for months-adapting my story to the stage. Ok, I didn't actually do it, but I helped. And I watched it progress from a little baby blog to a tyrannical teenage script to a fully fledged adult show...I mean not an "adult" show but, you know what I mean. And in the meantime I also had a life. My boyfriend has become my fiancé, a development I never saw coming. But it begs the question, what now? This whole thing began as an experiment, a journey to find myself, the self I had lost to the ages, the self who was in love with herself with no desire to change and no need for a partner. But in this journey, I discovered a few things. I discovered, no matter how much I wanted to believe the contrary, I never really had a partner. I discovered there are people in this world who want nothing more than to be around you and influenced by you. I discovered that most people have secret lives which they often and sadly spend the lion-share of their time shielding from the world. And I discovered that there are people out there who really do love you for exactly who you are and in their company you are your best self. I always knew that I was that for others but somehow I always missed that it might apply to me.


Now I stand at the precipice. No, my life is not a fairy tale. I'm about to lose the house that has not been mine for some time; I don't know how I'm going to pay for the next few months of my life much less a wedding. And yet, I haven't been this happy or excited in years. So dear reader, I put it to you. Do I end the story here, or are you willing to continue the journey? I suspect there is yet a great deal more to tell.

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