Equilibrium

In the past year I have had a lot of time to contemplate my love life mistakes.  I have all too often made myself the sacrificial lamb in the relationship, thinking somehow that if I was willing to sacrifice, it meant that I loved the person so much that I would do anything for him.  Sound familiar?  Worse yet, I still punish myself for allowing it to happen and feel the weight of responsibility despite the fact that I was likely dating a douc...not nice person.  But in a partnership, there has to be equilibrium.  Nature abhors a vacuum, and yet as women, we are often taught to seek one; an empty vessel which we can can pour all of ourself into until there is nothing left.  And guess what?  When you're done pouring all of yourself; your love, your life, your dreams....your money and time and energy into this other person, they walk away with all of you and you are left an empty vessel.  Sometimes we seek someone else to fill us up, sometimes we find resources to rebuild and replenish, sometimes we even have children or pets but still we seek out that other person whom we can pour all of ourselves into.  

Never allow yourself to be made less.  Never mistake comfortable for convenient.  If someone says they love being with you because they are so comfortable, make sure that isn't code for "I don't have to work at it.  I don't have to compromise and I don't have to commit."  Relationships are work and if they are not, then likely they are not working, either.  Don't make the mistake of making yourself convenient.  We are all far better than convenient.

A Life in Review

So, as many of you know, I’m in the middle of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland, 3000 miles from home bringing the message of SINGLEMARRIEDGIRL to the masses and strangely enough, the masses aren’t coming.  It is by far, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and as you’ve been along the journey thus far you know what came before.  I’m not disappointed by the slow numbers, truth is it’s hard to build an audience here where you are just a drop in the sea of offerings across the city.  No, what is troubling me is simply the tepid response.  I suppose it is in part because I am so close to this and I believe so much in the message of this show and the blog, that anyone can change his or her life with baby steps and the absolute resolve to be open to everything the world has to offer.

I’ve been told my show is too much life a self-help book, not sexy enough, not Avant guard enough, not angsty enough or in your face enough. 

Well, enough is enough.  All those people miss the point of this show, this blog and this time on earth.  The whole point of what I do, what I write and what I want to convey is that we are enough. Now.   In this moment.  Ok, maybe there are times I seem like I’m out there saying things can be better but the truth is, I’m just relating my own experiences, my own challenges and my own goofy, messy choices.  It’s like the penny jar on the counter.  If you are in need, take it.  If you have enough, spare it.  And if you don’t have a stake in it, shut the f*ck up. 

Ok, yes, I know that they are reviewers, to be fair, that’s their job.  But the fact is, we all have critics in our lives, those little niggling voices who evaluate our every thought, choice and decision.  Problem with critics these days is there’s no way to delete them; much like the lesson of cyber space, everything we hear lives in the archive of our brain.  So maybe the key is to take the bad review and find the quote.

‘Engaging and amusing…this is the show for you!’ 

‘Touching…intriguing…a heart-warming performance.’

Forget the naysayers and bring on the reviews.  Just make sure you do a little creative editing of your own!

Glamous Life

So taking a page from my own life which is now entirely currently engulfed in running the show in Edinburgh, I was emailed a guide to surviving the Edinburgh Fringe Festival including such gems as make sure you pack lots of condoms for all the sex you will be having, drink lots of water to offset all the alcohol you'll be consuming and make sure you give yourself just enough to sober up before your show.  Do you think this is a tip list, or a wish list?  Where are these sex parties?  Should I go there and flyer?  Is it sad that at the end of the day all I want is a cup of tea and a scone?  And maybe a nap?

Sometimes I really do feel a bit like a saucy virgin in a brothel.  Ah well, beat of our own drummer, I suppose.  Journey on, you party animals.